Designing your dream home can feel a lot like love at first sight.
Here's how to quickly determine if you and your home designer have chemistry, and why it pays to date around before diving in with the first designer you meet.
“Did you ever think that maybe there was more to life than being really, really, really, really, really, ridiculously good-looking?" Ben Stiller asked in Zoolander, the 2001 film about a mopey, over-the-hill male model nearing the end of his career. His character, Derek Zoolander, established a certain kind of narcissistic nice guy persona who justified his self-absorption because, in his moral universe, having good looks and a fashion sense was more important than treating people well.
While Zoolander's view of romance came well before modern dating apps, his philosophies foreshadowed the algorithms that now dominate our romantic pursuits. It's easy to imagine him falling for a woman based on her only wearing this season's hottest fashion trends in her profile pictures and the number of pop-culture references in her bio. Indeed his own profile would include several topless photos of himself, enhanced through hours of profile optimization, and a novel-length list of favorite dessert spots around town.
To his credit, finding someone who is beautiful and loves the same things you do is thrilling. The level of mutual interests could imply potential relationship compatibility. However, similar taste and visual appeal represent a mere fraction of what goes into a true partnership, which is a big part of why dating today can be just as frustrating as finding the right home designer. Overlapping interests and good looks are enough to create a spark, but not enough to build a healthy and long-lasting relationship, much less design your dream home.
So how do you find the "one" true home designer for you? The answer isn't always simple, but with the right approach, you can increase your chances of success.
How to find the “one” true home designer for you.
One of the first steps in building a new home is to design the plans with a designer. Before starting Jewkes Design, my wife and I built a custom home. Like most, we started the journey by going straight to a home builder. It makes sense, right? You want to “build” a home, so you go to the “builder.” We didn’t realize home builders often come into the process only after you have the home designs. So early in the process, we were tasked with choosing our designer.
Our builder suggested two designers they had worked with in the past, but after reviewing their work, my wife and I could have been more impressed. We did our own research to find other potential designers. Ultimately, we worked with Noah Jewkes, my future business partner and the Head Designer here at Jewkes Design. A lot went into making the final decision, but we had the best connection with Noah and chose to work with him.
Many people, of course, would tell me I’m overthinking this. But considering the significant time and financial investment that goes into building a custom home — yeah, I thought it was important to find the right fit.
As a potential new homeowner, you may need to “date around” to make a similar connection to your designer. I use the phrase “date around” because you are not simply purchasing a product but purchasing a service performed by someone who will significantly impact your experience throughout your home's design and the result. Similar to a marriage, there will be a lot of difficult decisions and stressful moments when designing a custom home.
Warning signs to avoid getting into a toxic relationship with your home designer
Ultimately, picking the right designer is going to come down to a feeling. Still, there are several clear warning signs of what a potential partner does that you should avoid while dating around:
- The designer always has to be right.
- The designer is trying to change your vision to be what they want rather than what you want.
- The designer is not listening to what you are saying.
Trust me when I say it's better to be in no relationship than a bad one. If you can tell that a designer will not be a good fit, be honest about it and cut your losses before it’s too late.
Compromise between the “vision” and your needs
Compromise isn’t necessarily a novel concept when it comes to dating. Many people will realize they're already doing some version of it because compromise can be simple and doesn’t usually require huge sacrifices.
Still, compromise can work differently at each stage in the relationship. In the beginning, everything is butterflies and rainbows. Slowly, you discover your partner doesn’t actually like your favorite music artist, and they don’t do the dishes. Hopefully, this won't make you love them any less, but there's no denying that it takes compromise to keep the romance alive.
Compromise is crucial in every relationship. If you are never right in your relationship and only your partner’s opinions matter, you aren’t going to feel taken care of. You have specific ideas and wants for your dream home. Your designer should not focus more on what they think is right than what you need or want.
To be clear, your designer should be an expert and be able to tell you when something isn’t working right. Being an expert doesn’t mean they shouldn’t listen to any of your ideas. There is a delicate balance between ensuring that the home will meet your needs and wants and being buildable or designed intentionally.
For example, we knew we would need two bedrooms in the design of our basement. Because we were building with a limited budget, one of the two bedrooms would have to be smaller than the standard size. Although Noah disagreed with designing a small bedroom, he made it work because he understood it was something we needed.
Find yourself a designer who is okay with using your idea even if it isn’t how they would do it for their home.
Someone who loves you for who you are
First dates often feel like job interviews — they’re inherently optimistic, but there’s pressure. You’re busy figuring out if you like this person while simultaneously charming them into liking you. Even if you manage to move past the bullet points on your resume and the typical get-to-know-you questions, there’s no guarantee they’ll accept you for who you really are.
Of course, we all want to find someone who loves us for who we are or at least who we pretend to be. But finding someone willing to look past your faults and insecurities isn’t as easy as it seems, as every awkward date you’ve ever been on has probably demonstrated.
One of the uncomfortable dates I had in high school had to do with my dog allergies. Because I am allergic to dogs, I am selective about when I want to pet a dog and suffer the consequences. When I picked up my date, I went inside to meet her family. They had several large dogs, and I did not want to spend the rest of the night with itchy eyes and a runny nose. So, I chose not to pet the dogs. For the rest of the night, it became my date’s mission to convince me I loved dogs and that allergies aren’t that big of a deal. Needless to say, the date didn’t go very well, and I am still allergic to dogs.
Your designer should design your home based on your wants and needs, not theirs. You don’t want a designer constantly trying to convince you that you want or need something that won’t fit your budget or meet your family’s needs.
When designing our home, we had a budget and needed to design with that in mind. Our budget was certainly not a lot compared to the typical custom home. This house was not our dream home, so we would forego many elements or features that would make the home nicer but cost more. While working with Noah, he understood what this home needed to be for our family and did not try to change our minds about what we felt we needed or wanted.
Listening to what you are saying
Imagine before your first date with someone, your date asks if you have any food allergies. You let them know that you have a shellfish allergy. You then think – that was nice of them to check. It turns out they asked because they were taught it is polite, but they then proceeded to take you to Red Lobster. Bummer.
The industry standard is for designers to ask their clients what they want in their new homes. From there, the designer can follow the list of must-haves for your family’s needs and give feedback based on what you expressed is essential. Or the designer might design a home with a specific aesthetic in mind and leave out several must-haves because they didn’t think you truly cared about some of the things on your list. If they choose the latter, the house will probably be beautiful, but you will end up with a design that looks nothing like what you wanted.
A designer listening and understanding your feedback will be crucial throughout the design process. Ultimately it can make the difference between having a home you like or a home you can truly call your dream home.
Picking the right designer
If you pick the right designer partner, the design process can be enjoyable and something you look forward to throughout the week. At Jewkes Design, we have put an incredible focus on our relationship with our clients rather than just focusing on the home's design. If you would like to know more about how we put focus on the relationship, please reach out, and we would be happy to talk.
